Take Me Back To The Start
by TitaniaSarys
Summary: When Ross issues a pardon, Natasha goes back to her team. [Part 1 of the In Another Life - AU No Thanos anymore series] Read the notes in the first chapter first.
1. Notes

Hi guys! Before you start reading this, here's an explanation about what's going on. This series takes place in the alternative universe created by the Avengers when they traveled through time in order to grab the stones in Endgame. It may seem farfetched but it's the only explanation for the time travel to make sense (I actually wrote a thesis about alternative universes and time travel in fiction so I did my research). Besides, the Marvel multiverse was confirmed with the new trailer for Spiderman Far From Home so…

I haven't seen the older Marvel movies in a while, but here are the elements that I think could change in this chronology/universe because of Endgame (I probably forgot things, I'll add them as I remember them). Remember it's all speculations:

– Since OriginalSteve (let's call him that for clarity's sake) in Endgame goes back to Peggy (I'm guessing in the fifties?), she doesn't marry someone else (I'm not taking into account the theory that Steve was the mysterious husband for this universe) and doesn't have the two children she has in the original universe. Meanwhile Steve from that universe is still in the ice.

– In 2012 after the Battle of New York, because of Stark and Lang's interference, Loki escaped with the Tesseract.

– In 2013, Loki isn't in Asgard but I think Thor's story wouldn't really change in this film since he would be looking for Loki and I believe would eventually find him. So let's consider that the Ether was indeed brought to the Collector at the end of Thor 2 The Dark World. As for the Tesseract, let's say it stayed on Asgard. I'm unsure about Loki's whereabouts though.

– Since Thanos and his minions traveled in 2014 to 2023, the events of The Guardians of the Galaxy are completely different. Since Gamora's fate wasn't really clear at the end of Endgame, let's consider that she's alive (and hasn't been reduced to ashes like all of Thanos' army because she wasn't a part of it anymore) and that she's in the original universe (remember, the time travel can't change the past, so OriginalGamora remains dead). Basically, The Guardians of the Galaxy have been robbed of their Gamora before they even met.

– So since Gamora is gone and Nebula is dead (no grandfather paradox because it's a different universe, yay), things are different. Ronan can't make a deal with Thanos anymore and I think he would still attack Xandar but fail to pierce its defenses. So Xandar is safe.

– Because Gamora is gone, she doesn't attack Peter (let's consider that Steve put the Power Stone back on Morag and Quill just woke up and thought he slipped, knocking himself out) on Xandar but Rocket and Groot still do. Because of the mess they make, they are still sent to the Kyln prison.

– Because Gamora is gone, Drax doesn't attack her in the showers and doesn't make a deal with Quill. But Quill, Rocket and Groot would still manage to escape on their own I think.

– But because there is no Gamora, then they don't know about the Collector and his willingness to buy the stone so they don't head to Knowhere. Peter tries to escape because Rocket contacts Yondu for the bounty.

– From there it could go a lot of different ways, but let's consider here that Quill was delivered to Yondu, Rocket and Groot got paid and went their merry way. Quill then negotiated with Yondu because he has the stone. I think that Quill would be able to escape Yondu if he gave up the stone. I'm not sure he would go back to the Ravagers. Oh and the whole Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 wouldn't happen.

– Since the main changes in this universe are the things related to the stones and how Thanos affected that, I don't think much of the rest would be changed. Of course, Avengers 3 Infinity War and Endgame wouldn't happen but other films like Captain America 2 The Winter Soldier, Avengers 2 Age of Ultron, Captain America 3 Civil War or Black Panther and Doctor Strange would still happen. (I'm still unclear about Thor 3 Ragnarok but maybe one of the fics in this series will deal with that because Hela is too great a villain to not have her make one hell of an appearance).

So basically, what needs to be remembered in this universe is that: Loki is alive, Nebula is dead, Thanos and all his minions are dead (including the Black Order and Korath), Gamora is gone from 2014 onwards, The Guardians of the Galaxy were never formed, Vision was made and is alive, Tony is alive, Steve is alive, Natasha is alive. Also, most of the stories in this universe will take place after 2016, after Civil War happened with a new wave of Avengers led by Cap and Widow. I really liked some of the developments of Endgame, therefore somewhere around 2017-18 in this universe Morgan Stark will be born. Also, Peter Parker will join the Avengers around that time.


	2. I

It's strange how life has a knack of proving her right, Natasha thought. She just knew when something was about to blow, knew when things were about to change brutally and usually not in her favor. It was almost like an instinct, this knowledge that something was about to bite her in the ass because of a mistake. Or fate. Or karma, whatever one believed in.

She knew that the Accords would create problems; she just didn't expect the rift between her teammates to be this large. And the more she thought about ways to fix things in those several days of utter psychological, social and physical mayhem, the more she knew it would all go up in flames.

Everything she had always worked for generally ended up blowing up in her face. And whenever it happened, she ran. She hid and licked her wounds, found new covers, destroyed old safe houses to make new ones, kept tabs on friends and enemies alike and all in all stayed out of everyone's way.

And no one found her if she didn't want to be found.

Until the Civil War. This time, she didn't want to run. She wanted to stay by her friends' side. She understood both views, understood why Tony was so keen on licking the government's ass and why Steve was so stubborn at refusing doing that. She just _knew_ but she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

And despite everything she had done in the past to royally piss the government off, it all came down to her goal: to wipe out her ledger clean. And the best way to do that, to be someone better, was to play by the rules. She was ready to do Ross's dirty work if it meant saving more lives. She was ready to keep a clean public image if it meant she would be useful. She was ready to sacrifice her freedom, her honor, her world if it meant keeping her team together.

_Staying together is more important than how we stay together_.

She wasn't even mad they didn't try to calm things down and deal with it like adults around a table. Of course she was concerned about Rhodey and cared for him. Just like she cared about Wanda and Clint (she didn't know Scott that well yet) and had to physically restrain herself from hurting Ross for putting them in prison the way he had.

Her team was her family. She wanted to make sure everyone was safe and well.

And just like she was ready to lose it all when it was time to run, she was ready to walk back with her tail between her legs when an offer of pardon was sent. She had been on the run for more than a year, had encountered all sorts of law enforcement forces that tried to capture (or kill) her because she was an international fugitive.

Stark was actually the one that reach out to her of all people. Apparently he kept working with his new protégé (Spiderkid) and wanted for him to have an environment where the Avengers were still a thing. Of course, just like every time with Tony, there were dozens different reasons why he wanted something, one of them maybe being that he cared for her as well and years of friendship and camaraderie weren't that easy to erase (and in a year he had more than enough time to cool off). Another reason was probably that he got bored playing Avenger all by himself (Rhodey was still out of commission although the prosthetic was doing wonders). Ross might also have issued the pardon because he'd rather have the Avengers with him than against him and he pressured Tony into reaching out to his teammates.

Whatever it was, Natasha was reluctant at first. But Clint was under house arrest, Wanda had already come back (so had Sam). Weeks passed and she heard that Steve was back as well, to lead the New Avengers under strict governmental supervision. Bucky was still in cryofreeze in Wakanda but T'Challa assured Steve that he was perfectly safe and that Shuri was working on a cure for his brainwashing.

_As if it was that easy_, she sniggered. She knew more than a thing or two about brainwashing herself.

So after a while, she had agreed to come back and be subjected to the same treatment as her fellow former international fugitives. But she didn't do it for Ross. She didn't do it for the government, or because she missed a comfortable life style or even to be safe because she was getting fed up with all the people trying to kill her and almost succeeding a couple of times (that time in Vancouver had been particularly rough early on in her exile).

She did it for her team and for all the people she still believed she could save if the Avengers were a thing again.

Becoming an official leader with Steve was just a bonus. It also meant that despite the freedom she'll get, she'll have a ton of responsibilities, among them frequent precise reports to write to Ross about the team's progress and mission reports. She was used to those with SHIELD but wasn't fond of such close supervision. It also meant that she couldn't make any more mistakes because she would be walking on a thin threat for months, maybe years.

But if it meant going through such hell for a year or two and then be able to run the team with more freedom, if it meant having the team back (or at least part of it since Tony had not officially and in a more I-don't-really-know-what-I'm-doing-with-my-life-Pepper-help-please way retired, Thor and Bruce were still unaccounted for and Clint would remain under house arrest for at least a year more), she was glad to go through all of it.

What mattered was the endgame and this Earth still needed the Avengers, even a new version of them.


	3. II

The fact that she arrived late afternoon one Tuesday wasn't a coincidence. She wanted her arrival to be as quiet as it could be so she could gauge her teammates' reaction to her return.

The compound seemed nice and empty when she walked through the gates and all the way to the first building past the security outpost. She looked to the left where she could see the training facilities in the distance. On the right where the garages and she wondered if her Corvette was still parked inside. When she ran after her last face to face conversation with Tony, she left everything behind. She had only stopped by her flat in New York to grab a bag that had been ready for years and contained everything she'd need on the run. She had also grabbed her cat.

Taking Liho with her had been one of the most questionable choices she had ever made. She knew that she could have left the cat with the window open and it would have been able to survive on its own. But after all those years of living together, of it worming its way slowly into her heart, she couldn't find it in herself to just leave it. Especially since people would be looking for her there.

And as far as she was concerned, no one besides Clint knew about the cat so it shouldn't attract too much attention.

Natasha was quite happy with their relationship. Liho was rather quiet, only meowing when she knew everything was okay, almost as if she could feel when Natasha needed silence. She purred more than she meowed and never destroyed furniture. The occasional cuddles were the only thing they exchanged and expected from the other because Liho could find her food on her own if Natasha didn't feed her (which was great when Natasha had to go away for weeks on end for missions and Liho just slipped through the window left open, catching whatever she needed and living her life until her human returned).

Natasha liked to believe they had an understanding and she didn't want to abandon the small creature. So she grabbed her, left her in the occasional safe house until she moved again and again and again until Tony called. Every single time, no matter how battered and bruised Natasha was, she had always managed to crawl back to the place where she had left Liho and the cat would quickly turn up so they could leave, even if it had been weeks since they last saw each other.

Natasha was used to carry her in an open messenger bag or sometimes on her shoulder since Liho was a really small cat. But she wanted (had) to do things properly and so she had bought a cage for her companion. When Natasha first put the cat in it, she hissed and scratched. Now, she seemed calm but Natasha knew she was just waiting for the moment the cage would be opened to bolt and hide somewhere for the next twenty four hours.

"We're almost there," Natasha said to the cat in the cage as she neared the main building of the Avengers facility. It hadn't changed, all glass and white stone with the famous letter A standing out on the wall near the entrance, beckoning her closer.

Rhodey waited for her inside the lobby.

"It's good to see you. Welcome back Nat!" he said as he made his way towards her.

He looked way better than the last time she had seen him. He was able to move rather well with the prosthetics attached to his legs, but he was still limping slightly and that simple walk seemed to require a lot of effort from him. But at least he could walk on his own and was making progress. That was all that mattered to Natasha, that her friend was doing better.

She put down the cage and hugged Rhodey back. "It's good to see you too."

Their hug wasn't a long one but Rhodey's arms were strong around her and real and she just knew in that moment that she had made the right decision by coming back. "I've missed all of this…" Natasha started as she took a look around and gestured at the hall. "I've missed all of you."

Rhodey's genuine smile warmed her heart and he leaned back on the couch he was leaning on when she came in. "I see you brought a guest. Stowaway or pet?" he asked as he observed the black cat huddled in the back of the cage.

"Both. We have an understanding. She's very well behaved." A beat of silence passed. "Will she be a problem?"

Rhodey lifted his arms and shook his head. "Not for me. I haven't read anywhere that pets are forbidden at the compound. You got everything you need for her?"

"I'll buy what I don't have yet. But don't worry, she can make it on her own."

Rhodey nodded and turned to the corridor leading to the rest of the compound, especially the more private areas like the kitchen and personal quarters. "Ross's men did search your quarters but nothing's changed. You should find them mostly the way you left them."

She appreciated that. Her New York apartment had been ransacked so all she had left were the clothes on her back and the belongings in the duffel bag she carried (and hopefully what was left in her quarters). Rhodey noticed the bag and looked at the cage as they walked slower than usual (but Natasha didn't want to pressure him and adapted her strides).

"You got more luggage coming in later or…"

"No, I just got this."

There was a certain sadness in Rhodey's eyes that Natasha had seen before. It was the same kind of sadness, often laced with pity, that she saw in people's eyes whenever she mentioned something sad or dark about her past, when people realized just how unconventional her life had been and the many things she had been robbed off, starting with a normal childhood and loving parents. She tried to ignore that look because she didn't need the pity and she was glad to see it quickly vanish from her friend's eyes.

He didn't say anything, just climbed the stairs leading to the quarters and in exchange Natasha didn't comment on his frequent stops to catch his breath. Once they arrived in front of her quarters, he gave her a badge with her name and picture on it. The picture dated back to the Civil War, when she still had long red locks.

During her first week on the run she had cut her hair to her shoulders and had dyed them blonde, even if she had always preferred her natural color. By now, her red roots were showing and she didn't bother coloring them lately knowing that she wouldn't need to hide her fiery red mane soon.

"You'll need this to have access to most rooms around here, including your own quarters. Here are the rules and regulations of the compound. Don't look at me like that, it wasn't my idea. I had to read them too. You'll see with Cap for the organization of the team, the training, the meetings and all of that."

Rhodey then looked at his watch. "They should be out of training soon. Usually everyone hangs around the kitchen slash common room around seven or eight PM every day since we're not functioning at a normal rhythm yet."

"Who's there today?" Natasha asked, curious.

"Steve, Wanda and Vision mostly. Sam has been around for a week. Peter pops from time to time but Tony hasn't officially assigned him to the compound yet. He should come more often once the summer holidays start."

"What about you?"

"I haven't been cleared for the field yet, so I'm on communication's duty. We'll see after my next check-up."

Natasha nodded.

"I'll let you get settled. You can find me in the common room most evenings or you can call me if you have any questions."

"I also know where you live," she pointed out, her lips curving up slightly.

Rhodey smiled. "There's also that."

He didn't say anything for a couple of seconds and then he squeezed her shoulder gently. "It's going to be rough, but we're in this together Nat. We've got you."

She wanted to tell him that he wasn't the one that royally pissed Ross off for an entire year and wouldn't have his every action scrutinized by a white male in a suite who knew nothing about being an Avenger in the field. But she kept her mouth shut and thanked him instead before she turned to the door leading to her quarters.

After scanning her brand new badge on the panel in the wall, she entered her quarters.


	4. III

Everything inside was quiet.

She took a moment once she closed the door behind her, just to look and take it all in. Even after she placed the cage on the ground and freed Liho, watching the cat skitter curiously further into her quarters, she didn't leave her spot at the entrance. From where she stood, she could barely see the living room. Nothing in the entrance seemed to have changed.

Of course, even there she could see the dusty footprints of army boots, could see where one man had brushed a little too close to her furniture and slightly moved a frame, she could see that the carpet had been moved. But instead of fixing it all, she just walked into her living room.

Her brain immediately catalogued all the things that weren't in their designated place after Ross's men searched her rooms, but it felt to her that nothing had changed. As if it was all still hers. As if it had all suddenly come back into her possession, simply stored away for a year and not erased forever from her life.

Natasha wasn't a materialistic person because she knew how quickly she could lose those things and especially because she had spent most of her life with the bare minimum, sometimes even less. Surviving off scraps became a second nature in the Red Room. She had learned not to complain before she had even learned how to properly talk.

It didn't matter that Ross's men had made a mess and confiscated four out of seven of her weapon stashes, clearly not having found them all (she made a mental note to add more). It didn't matter that her clothes were on the floor, that her glasses had been broken in the sink, that frames had been knocked over and cracked.

Somehow, it still felt like home.

She put her bag at the foot of the bed and opened all the windows wide. Liho seemed to have explored all the rooms because she joined her on the balcony and Natasha picked her up. From there they could see the pine trees surrounding the whole compound and stretching as far as the eye could see. It was a beautiful sunny day and Natasha was starting to go back on her decision to avoid the training room for the time being. It would feel nice to spar in the grass outside the training facilities, not very far from the lake and that special place where she used to hide before Steve found her one day all those years ago (and after that, they hid there together, relaxing after stressful missions when they just couldn't deal with the others right away and needed their space).

She pet her cat for a little bit until it squirmed in her arms and decided to explore the rest of the glass balcony. Maybe she could put up a small table and a couple of chairs to make a reading spot. She hadn't been much of a decorator, ever, but maybe this time, she could have some fun with that. Somehow being so long on the run reminded her to appreciate the little things in life.

She cleaned all the broken glass and washed all her clothes. She changed the bedding and all the towels and rebandaged her ribs (Ross's men got her bad a month prior and her three cracked ribs were still healing). She set up a place for Liho in her living room next to the couch and made a mental note to grab some supplies for her later. She would also need to figure some kind of contraption to allow the cat to go outside without leaving the door to her quarters open. Or maybe she could settle for a good old-fashioned cat flap.

Because Tony had designed all of this, every apartment had its own mini-bar, some cooking appliances and a spacious bathroom complete with a washing machine. So once the first round of clothes was done, Natasha set a second one up and went down to the common room. The sun was starting to set and the others would be out of training soon if not already.

Just like she thought, she ran into Sam on her way down the stairs.

The glass and metallic stairs were made in such a way that she couldn't pretend like she didn't see him there. Besides, they weren't that wide and she couldn't just go back up as if she forgot something. Liho had decided to explore the rest of the compound on her own and her laundry wasn't ready anyway so there was nothing waiting for her upstairs.

Sighing, she kept walking until Sam lifted his head from his phone, not because he heard her (she was still as deadly silent as a ninja assassin) but because he saw her in the corner of his eyes.

"Oh my god," he let out, stopping dead in his tracks. "Am I dreaming, because it feels like it." He quickly walked the last steps separating them. "The great Black Widow is finally back among us mere mortals? I'm flattered."

His wide and genuine smile made Natasha smile as well. She had missed Sam and his contagious enthusiasm. He looked good as well, she almost couldn't see the traces of exile on his features. But just like her, he seemed to remain a little wary, a little on edge, it was visible in his muscles, in his posture. He wasn't scared and didn't fear for his life, but his fight or flight reflex was still on. Just like hers.

"It's good to see you too Sam," she said as she hugged him back. She didn't say anything when he held her longer than he ever did. She also did her best not to wince when he squeezed her a little too hard.

"We are definitely going to catch up later but you should go see the others for now! They're gonna be so happy! They're all in the kitchen."

Natasha nodded, took a deep breath and climbed down the rest of the stairs while Sam joined his own quarters two doors down from Natasha's. The closer she came to the common kitchen, the more distinctively she could hear her teammates. Wanda seemed to be laughing and Steve was saying something, with Vision occasionally quipping in.

It was time to see the rest of her team. Doing her best to control the slight shaking of her hands, she walked into the kitchen.


	5. IV

Several things happened at once.

Steve was the first one to see her and stopped talking, which made all the heads turn in her direction. Wanda dropped the water bottle she was holding, Vision stood there with his mouth gaping open and Steve's eyes seemed to sparkle with something that Natasha couldn't quite indentify.

Then Wanda approached her and looked her up and down before hugging her the way she used to when they were still a team. It almost made Natasha believe things would be the same. "We missed you so much," she said without a hint of accent and Natasha was very proud of her protégé.

Then Vision hugged her but with some reserve, as if he wasn't really sure if this was the best way to react to the situation but Wanda nodded her approval. Natasha knew they were close, but in that moment she wondered what had happened during her time on the run to bring them this close. She promised herself to ask Wanda later, hoping that their sisterly relationship hadn't changed.

Then when Steve hugged her, everything seemed to freeze in time. It was as if nothing had changed at all, as if he remained the man she knew when she left and she was glad for it. He smiled that little smile with his lips twitching upwards, the kind that was genuine and not Captain America propaganda material. The kind of smile that reached his eyes fully and made them sparkle in the golden light of the common kitchen.

He didn't say anything before he hugged her, simply drinking in the sight of her, his eyes speaking volumes. Sighting, she hugged him back and for a fraction of a moment, nothing else mattered. Natasha knew in that instant, just like she had back then when the Civil War was brewing, that they would be alright if they stuck together. That this team, her family, belonged together. They were stronger when they were together and she was as sure of it now as she was in that church after Peggy's ceremony.

Natasha was fairly certain that a couple of seconds had barely passed when she pulled away, and then Wanda was telling her she would meet her in an hour to hear about everything that had happened before she dragged Vision out of sight, a happily dumb smile plastered on her young face.

"Are you alright?" was the first thing Steve asked when they were alone. He handed her a glass of water and she gladly took a sip. It had been a long trip.

She smiled back and shrugged. "Yeah, mostly. Nothing time won't heal. You?"

He nodded and they settled in this peaceful quiet, the way they used to when they were leading the New Avengers. She sensed that he wanted to ask her more but that he didn't dare ask yet, almost as if he wanted to cherish her presence alone for now, as if having her back in his life was simply enough. His breathing slowed peacefully and he relaxed, making her relax in turn, occasionally sipping her water.

Truthfully, she wanted to ask him what had happened to him as well. She had kept tabs on all the Avengers, old and new, retired or missing (or at least as much as she could, she still had no idea where Bruce or Thor were, if they were on Earth at all), but she didn't know all the details.

Steve seemed to have been through a lot, she could see it in his body language, on the tired lines of his face. He seemed to have aged and the beard only gave him this older more mature look that she had to admit she appreciated. It was different, but it was a good different unlike her blonde hair.

As if he was reading her thoughts, he said "You changed your hair."

"You let your beard grow."

"Touché," he smiled.

He kept that hidden truth hanging in the air between them as he passed his fingers over his beard, the fact that they wouldn't need to hide anymore (although she wondered if the beard was just a disguise or if he really was going to keep it).

"I brought my cat," she quipped suddenly and let her gaze wonder on the glass panels leading to the patio after briefly catching Steve's surprised expression. She had never told him about Liho (only Clint actually knew and she was certain that Maria had guessed) but somehow his surprise vanished as quickly as it came, as if it actually made sense for her to have a cat. And maybe it did, dogs were always Clint's thing (even if Laura was adamant about them not getting a dog on the farm) and Natasha shared a lot of similarities with cats, even more than with spiders in fact.

He nodded and smiled. "I won't call the pound when I see it then."

She thanked him silently (because despite how hard she'd deny it, she had a soft spot for the black furball that had wormed its ways into her heart) and walked onto the patio for a couple of minutes, enjoying the last rays of the setting sun before she remembered she had started a new round of laundry and that the machine was probably blaring that it had finished washing.

And as she briefly left Steve on the patio, she knew they would be alright now.


End file.
